I don’t Need Control

This does not happen often, but I actually do not know fully what to write. It’s been a season of very little writing, both on my personal blog and in my journal. I have spent most of my time just pondering and listening and less time writing and speaking, which has actually been extremely hard but also incredibly freeing.

This season life has me in has been one where I have come to see Jesus in ways I have never seen Him before, attributes of God’s character have come alive in unique ways, I might argue this has been one of my favorite seasons of life. Not because it is easy or because I feel like I finally have a grip on life, but because the complete opposite is true; I have absolutely no control in life, everyday is seemingly harder than the last, and I am merely walking by faith without any sight of my next steps.

Months ago, He asked me if I trusted Him, reluctant to give an honest answer, I ignored the questioned. Though, the question lingered still, until that moment I hung my head and said, ‘no.’ He asked me to let go anyway and give up control, and fall into His arms of grace, trusting the unknowns to Him. And so, that is what happened, step by step I’ve been walking this season of unknown, entrusting each step to the One who does know. It’s been the most beautiful journey and honestly it’s been quite freeing as well. I’ve come to know and understand God in ways I never saw before. I am learning I do not need to know the why behind what is happening, but instead can trust the Who. That does not mean asking why is wrong, but I am learning to take one more step forward even when those answers do not come. By taking life one day at a time, I am learning to live in the moment and the importance of being still and relying not on my understanding or knowledge, but solely on Christ for my strength.

I thought the moment I admitted to God I didn’t fully trust Him was the end, but honestly it was only the beginning. Since that moment of raw honesty, it opened up a door to be able to walk through life with so much more confidence. Which sounds like an oxymoron because I literally told God I didn’t trust Him. It took the gut wrenching honest moment to rebuild a day by day trusting God with the unknowns. Since then, the adventures truly have only begun. The next few weeks hold some crazy big unknowns and seemingly impossible outcomes, but I am beyond excited to see where God takes me in this next chapter of life.

Normally I don’t promote this, but I have a tattoo on my back based on 2 Corinthians 5:7, ‘for we walk by faith not by sight.’ And I have been learning how to walk that out day to day. Typically I worry about six months from now and miss what is happening today, but God has been teaching me to look at the present moment and live in the today, to not miss what He has for me each second.

Maybe you can relate. Perhaps this is a season of life for you filled with more unknowns and ups and downs and needing to let go of control and fully trust God. I can honestly say, letting go of the control I thought I had was the most freeing moments. Now, it hasn’t been a once and done type of thing, I have to let go daily and ask God to give me the faith to trust Him…and He always does. He comes through faithful every single time without fail. Wherever you find yourself today, let go and rest in God’s grace and love.

Until next time,

~Christi